Flowers and quotes for Self Love

Beloved Flower Lover,

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

Funeral Flowers The London Flower Lover

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise L. Hay

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm S. Forbes

Beautiful in Green The London Flower Lover

“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” – Parker Palmer

 

peony bouquet thelondon flower lover

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How to use flowers to avoid rejection and get connection.

Beloved Flower Lover,

This post is inspired by Marisa Peer as she talked at the TEDx Good Enough College about rejection and connection. Here are snippets from her talk

“I’m going to teach you today how to be amazing at connection. But to be amazing at connection, you’ve got to be equally amazing at not letting in rejection. You have to be able to deal with rejection in order to be fantastic at connection, because we come on to the planet with two very very powerful needs. Our first need is we must always find and maintain connection. And our second need is that we must always seek acceptance and avoid being rejected.

And avoiding being rejected is very very important. These are actual tribal needs and we will run by this instinctive need that we have to avoid being rejected, because when we lived in a tribe, you couldn’t survive unless you were connected. We were born instinctively knowing that we would make it on the planet, we would survive if we were connected to a group. Because as tribes people you couldn’t hunt for food, you couldn’t build a dwelling and you couldn’t raise a family unless you were connected. You needed that group to watch your back.

And of course, the tribes understood that too. All groups knew that the way to make you conform was to threaten you with rejection. And if they threatened you with rejection, you would conform. So very difficult sails had been marooned, they would be marooned on a desert island forever. Difficult prisons were put into isolation. Many many religions also understood, if they threatened you with casting out or banishment, you would behave, and even children know how to send someone they don’t like to Coventry. And of course, when parents and [a naughty child to their room], they’re disconnecting from the group, they’re rejecting them and they’re rejecting their behavior. So in Romeo and Juliet, when Romeo was banished from Verona, he said, ‘I’d rather be killed than banished. Banishment is worse than death. There is nothing out there but purgatory’. And actually he was right.

 

 

My father lived in a tiny little village up north that had a really old church, that had the original banishment window still there. Because in times gone by, if a villager didn’t behave and didn’t conform, they would be banished forever from that village. But they still had to go to church to try and redeem their wickedness. And they had to turn up after the service began. In all weathers, they had to crouch down by this banishment window and listen to the service outside. And then they left and they left just before the service ended, because they were not allowed to have connection. So to this day we fear being rejected. And the fear of rejection will hurt our ability to connect.

So I’m sure most of you know what Stockholm Syndrome is. But Stockholm Syndrome is the study of what happens to people when you disconnect them. So people who have been taken hostage, people who have been kidnapped, people who have been in prison would rather befriend their enemy and often have sex with them too than be isolated, disconnected and rejected. And of course, most of you have seen Homeland. Haven’t you? In Homeland, he went to the other side because he was isolated and disconnected and rejected. So it’s this tribal fear that we have, and if you think, the tribal fears don’t exist, we’re not in a tribe, just watch what women do when they’re out in a group. If women go out in a group and one of them says, ‘I want to go to the toilet’, they’d say, ‘Who’s coming with me?’ They’d go, ‘I’ll come and I’ll come too’.

And women go to toilet in groups because in a tribe, a woman never ever went to the toilet on her own, that was so dangerous. You didn’t know what was out there. So women went off in groups to the toilet and when they’re in groups out, they still go to the toilet in a group. A man never says, ‘I need to pee, who is coming with me?’ And if you did, no guy would go, ‘I’ll come and I’ll come too’. Because men stand up to pee, women literally had to have someone watch their backs. So we come onto the planet with this really intense need to be connected and to avoid being rejected. And these bonds of connection are very very fragile and they must not be broken. And what damages them is the fear of rejection.

 

I meet people who’d say, ‘Yeah, you know, I got bullied when I was eight and to this day, I don’t do groups. I won’t go to a pub, I won’t go to a party, I would never work in a big office. I might be rejected. It might remind me of what it felt like to be bullied’.

Or someone would say to me, ‘Yeah, the love of my life dumped me. I’ve never had a relationship since. I don’t even want one, because I couldn’t go through that pain again.’

Or somebody will say, ‘I was fired in front of everyone in my office. It was so humiliating. I’ve never had a job since’.

What they’re saying is being rejected was so painful, I’m now choosing to avoid rejection. But of course what they’re doing is they are avoiding connection. And you don’t need to do that, because you can’t be rejected. We’re not tribal people anymore. There’s no way that you could ever be rejected, because you have to believe everything the person is rejecting you is saying. So if I said to you, ‘I don’t like you, I hate everyone that has green hair, and I really don’t like you because I just can’t stand people who have purple hair’. That’s my opinion. It’s so clearly wrong. You’re not going to let that in, that can’t possibly hurt you. It’s an opinion that is wrong that you’re not going to let in.

Don’t let in opinions that will hurt you. If I said to the back row, ‘I don’t like any of you, you’re so boring, you’re just so deeply dull, there’s nothing to you’.Some of you will let that in but it’s just an opinion, it’s no different to the other opinion. I’m saying something, you don’t have to let that in.

End of transcript.

 

In the video Maria provides 5 techniques- and they do not include being sarcastic.

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We suggest you can have the experience of having a liking for yourself. This wonderful collaboration to use flowers as a stunningly beautiful ritual to remind yourself about how much you love yourself. Choosing to share flowers that take your breathe away with others can be used to get you to become familiar with your own opinion as you connect and reconnect with yourself and others.How does this help? well your mind does what it thinks is in your best interests. If you are feeling rejected, then you might have to change the words you use to describe your situation and the images you paint in your min. So notice the words you are saying to yourself and find a wonderfully inspiring opposite word. Like I have chosen to feel wonderful about myself. This is collaboration with your mind rather than rejecting your own mind. Then add enjoyment, this is where the flowers come in. You can tell it using the flowers that you totally adore that you have chosen  to wonderfully adore and welcome yourself in all situations. Ritualising this, means repeating the amount of times you  notice how wonderful it is to accept and enjoy yourself. This will help you to become familiar with loving and connecting with yourself, which is vital if you had been used to rejecting yourself.  You can place those flowers in a place you constantly pass, so you are repeating that wonderful picture you keep saying to yourself.

Wonderful!

The Team,

 

The London Flower Lover

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Flowers for Elizabeth White who is talking about being fifty-five,unemployed and faking normal

Beloved Flower Lover,

Elizabeth White is a Harvard MBA and former C-suite executive who never expected to be “Fifty-five, Unemployed and Faking Normal.” Author of a book by the same name, she has culled wisdom from the dozens of Boomers she’s interviewed and hundreds more she’s heard from who, despite monumental financial challenges, are finding ways to look beyond the rubble of what happened to thinking about and putting together the best possible plan B. She talks about feeling shame, then her emotions about fear to humility and how she has learnt to live moderately.

People are finding voices and ways forward for those who need to think deeply about living a life not defined by things. Making a new normal. Elizabeth White talked about getting of her throne because money is green. We just felt like sharing as considered this….

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Thank you for being here from team at The London Flower Lover

Beloved Flower Lover,

Thank you.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you.

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We realized we are not just into followers, because we stand with you as an equal and as a friend. We are here to support you be a leader in your own life.

We slowed down. We also wanted to explain that we had slowed down as we allowed ourselves to adjust to even more of a genuine goodness.  We were rediscovering older parts of ourselves. To not allow stuff to represent ourselves. We were recollecting ourselves as we rediscovered more good vibes.

Over this time that we slowed down, we realise that ‘you’ the other person is actually us and so we followed our hearts.  And we had chosen to re-post at times as a way to keep movement going whilst we adjusted to even more good . The more we have relaxed the more we also recognised that we along with  some of you missed the new pictures or material. We thank you for shining your hearts on  slowing down as this as its so worthwhile.

We are in the midst of creating new material.  We are better equipped, better prepared to share . So we invite you to continue the journey with us and to again to thank you for being with us for all this time.

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Why did this matter to us?

Well we are mesmired by you. By your amazingness and thank you for staying with us as we have evolved. We thank you for caring for our work. For caring about the message we share. For that care that you feel is a gift. It shows us so much. You help us to make a difference to make a change. On a practical level we also thank WordPress for providing this platform for caring.

Thank you for still visiting us here at The London Flower Lover.

Thank you

The Team,

 

The London Flower Lover

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Feelings about Personal Body Issues and Being Soft With My Self Using Flowers

Beloved Flower Lover,

She said,

“I had been feeling the rolls of fat on my body and felt today is the day ‘to be’ with the uncomfortable emotional feeling, instead of managing it with food. Today was a I am  not running away scared of the feeling  day. Today was I am looking at the rolls of fat as they are and to respect them as they  really are there. Afraid of it, embarrassed by it, in denial of it, to be with those emotions. “

“This is for me an me alone. Today I pat myself on the back because I notice that eating sweets was really about my need for feeling good and  that it was my best strategy for get myself into a good space. To be in a place of feeling good. I celebrate that about me. Today I ask myself if  this approach working for me? Could I feel good about myself using another strategy. I notice excitement, as I consider how I needed my own attention, my own connection, my own kindness.”

“I  noticed i could just watch the old stories like it was on a film screen and because I no longer wanted to rob myself of, joy because I was meant only to have a  happy clappy smiling face. I notice that  joy and happy are really quite different.  Joy can come from addressing difficult issues. So not running from the uncomfortable feelings that the rolls of fat on my body had signaled to me, I wait for the images to flow onto my inner screen.  Sitting and breathing with those feelings like a loving friend does,who gives the space to just listen without judging either way. That’s how the relationship had now changed.

Not judging self for having  ignored the feelings before, or for telling the feelings to get over the feelings or to even just work harder. Instead, just being listened to and from that re create another feeling-what ever I chose to feel. That feeling today would be dignified beautiful love.

thelondonflowerlover

“Today I chose to listen and learn from myself……  I am no longer the same as I was as a child, or teenage girl, or young mum….. My self regard is on the way up…..I desire sweet emotions for myself and get more sleep too. I care about how I feel about myself. So I am finding ways of being at peace with people and situations rather than  finding discord in my body about people . I am  lightening up.I would never say some of this stuff to my own daughter. I could not take  positive action-i.e. focus on what I wanted, from a negative space, where i held myself in low regard I notice. It’s being two minded. I needed my own kindness”

Committed to being  loving and soft to self, no matter what is happening, going to choose feeling good about myself anyway.Awareness today was about pracitising seeing and feeling good to myself each day. Not for anyone else, just self and seeing how that slowly builds momentum!

No longer embarrassed about using flowers to soothe herself instead of food. Her relationship was about what she choose to experience pleasure with. She selected some flowers and went about her day

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The Team,

 

The London Flower Lover

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Flowers for Lammas- The first harvest to give thanks

Beloved Flower Lover,

Yes more from wikipedia….

Lammas Day (Anglo-Saxon hlaf-mas, “loaf-mass”), is a holiday celebrated in some English-speaking countries in the Northern Hemisphere, usually between 1 August and 1 September.

It is a festival to mark the annual wheatharvest, and is the first harvest festival of the year. On this day it was customary to bring to church a loaf made from the new crop, which began to be harvested at Lammastide.

The loaf was blessed, and in Anglo-Saxon England it might be employed afterwards to work magic:[1] a book of Anglo-Saxon charms directed that the lammas bread be broken into four bits, which were to be placed at the four corners of the barn, to protect the garnered grain.

In many parts of England, tenants were bound to present freshly harvested wheat to their landlords on or before the first day of August. In the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, where it is referred to regularly, it is called “the feast of first fruits“. The blessing of first fruits was performed annually in both the Eastern and Western Churches on the first or the sixth of August (the latter being the feast of the Transfiguration of Christ).

What do you give thanks for today?

The Team,

The London Flower Lover

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Harvest story -A different kind of agreement-Response to an agitating text with flowers

Beloved Flower Lover,

She opened up the text and was taken aback. She felt slapped with a sense of wrongness. She felt agitated. She felt alarmed. She did not agree with it but felt the energy of wrongness.  She remembered  a time as a child when she had felt this wrongness. She felt her whole body buckled under feeling pressured. Her legs felt it. She witnessed it and decided not to correct it. She took a deep breathe and rather than correct it. She let go of the breathe  so she could let it all go. She agreed to let it be. She realized the feeling of wrongness no longer served her.

She looked at her flowers and closed her eyes. Then immediately opened her eyes. She looked back at her flowers and then closed her eyes. She immediately opened them. She then looked back at her flowers and then closed her eyes and then immediately opened them. She felt deeply relaxed each time. Feeling gentle as she enjoyed her acclimation to the inner peace she felt.  She began to re-consider a conversation she had been having with herself about the leverage of being liberated through her wisdom of  identity. That peace, beauty and happiness were rightfully hers.

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She realized she had been conditioned to be triggered. Yet today what bloomed was her agreement power,which came through as a two step dance. The agitation and disruption to her day which had come through the text was instead just observed and surrendered through her breathe . It was with her nourishing breathe of  beauty that took drew her inwards into her own self. She  activated her agreement power. She was available to what she actually choose to agree to with.

Instead now

Instead now

Instead now

A different sort of agreement

Her recourse was to witness the feeling, the idea and take a deep breathe and surrender the agitated misaligned feelings. Yes the brain had been conditioned, and today she decided to use the breathe to surrender it. The breathe of inspiration. The breathe of beauty beholded. Beauty took her breathe away-her own.

That ugly thing, that agitation, that feeling of wrongness, alarm was observed.She activated her agreement power to the power of her love, beauty, joy and expression. She agrees that  everything she sets out to that she has everything necessary to accomplish everything she set out to do.

The death of one thing and the birth of something new was her first harvest.

Things had changed.

A different sort of agreement!

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Getting our flowers ready for the first harvest festival

Beloved Flower Lover,

Inspired by finding a foxes skull at a local Kent farm and getting ready for the first harvest, we created this gift!

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This got our minds thinking, so after deciding to explore the history of first harvest, we found the following on Wikipedia( N.B:We acknowledge that Wikipedia is not an academic source but a good start for references)

Lughnasadh or Lughnasa (pronounced /ˈlnəsə/LOO-nə-səIrishLúnasa/ˈl̪ˠuːn̪ˠəsˠə/Scottish GaelicLùnastal[ˈl̪ˠu:nəsd̥əl̪ˠ]ManxLuanistyn[ˈluanɪst̪ən]) is a Gaelic festival marking the beginning of the harvest season. Historically, it was widely observed throughout IrelandScotland and the Isle of Man.

Originally it was held on 1 August, or about halfway between the summer solstice and autumn equinox. However, over time the celebrations shifted to the Sundays nearest this date. Lughnasadh is one of the four Gaelic seasonal festivals, along with SamhainImbolc and Beltane. It corresponds to other European harvest festivals such as the Welsh Gŵyl Awst and the English Lammas.

 

According to folklorist Máire MacNeill, evidence shows that the religious rites included an offering of the ‘first fruits‘, a feast of the new food and of bilberries, the sacrifice of a bull and a ritual dance-play in which Lugh seizes the harvest for mankind and defeats the powers of blight. Much of the activities would have taken place on top of hills and mountains.

We had no idea, but we found more on wikipedia- (yes its not the best source, but it gives us some ideas)

An early harvest festival used to be celebrated at the beginning of the harvest season on 1 August and was called Lammas, meaning ‘loaf Mass’.

Farmers made loaves of bread from the fresh wheat crop. These were given to the local church as the Communion bread during a special service thanking God for the harvest.

|What are you grateful for? What gift will you give from your harvest?

The Team,

 

The London Flower Lover

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More Lazy day Saturday Flowers

Beloved Flower Lover,

 

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Flowers for a lazy Saturday in – that’s the plan!

Beloved Flower Lover,


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