Beloved Flower Lover,
It was the next morning. He stood alone and looked in the mirror as he was shaving. “It’s not working.” He looked himself in the eye and sighed something has to change. This is not living.
Business owner, he had six children for three women, two of the women he had been married to. They all lived close by and got on well with each other. The women had either re-married or re-partnered. His children were always talking to each other. They saw themselves as brothers and sisters and they always had full family events where they invited each other. They fully embraced each other. He still wanted to be married. He knew that. They all knew that and wanted the best for him. He had high blood pressure, hardly had lunch and no time for the gym. London’s recession saw him offering more and more discounts at his three retail operations. He just about maintained his good credit with the bank. He had a lovely girlfriend now in the UK, and had had a girlfriend abroad and with all what was going on in his business world,was not quite sure what to do right now with either.
Back in the UK, he began to get worried about the business and ended up working very long hours. This along with keeping up with family obligations had led him to not see his UK girlfriend for a month. No sex for all that time. Something had to change.
What to do?
He decided to jump into his XJS and take her out.
He called her and she agreed to get picked up for 7.30 p.m.
How did he want to feel?
Passion, power, and being loved, she was a cutie.
So he turned up with flowers, took her for a drive and expected sex straight after.
She said no!
Because she said she felt no connection with him. She told him that she missed him deeply but was not sure anymore about them. She felt needy and that feeling was not great.
He was surprised.
He was expecting sex, not to have to talk.
She went on.
He had not reassured her that she was still desirable to him, or that she would keep her dignity in his eyes especially when he had had his nookie. She was not sure if she was just being a place for him to release. She felt needy and embarrassed about being his little neglected woman when they finally did go out.
He huffed and frowned
She got scared, he was displeased.
He still scanned her gym fit body.
Why had she dressed in the most sexually available looking way? Why had she said no to him?
She went on and described that she realised she wanted to feel the feeling of being appreciated when she had sex with him. That’s why she had said, no thank you. Not tonight. But it did not mean forever.
He went wild, he felt sexually rejected, he dropped her off home politely and he drove off home. Fast!
By the time he got home he had cooled off. What was going on between them? He had not wanted to show his sexual vulnerability and now she saw it. What would she do with that power?
What did he really want?
A loving connection with her?
Fulfilment of his core desire?
The way she was dressed and greeted him, he thought he knew what she wanted.
How did he want to feel now?
That answer came more slowly
How did he want this relationship to feel like in 2014?
Especially if he wanted her to open up like a flower to him.
If he wanted her petals to tingle in anticipation of him.
It was raining outside.
His buttons got pushed.
He got really clear that he really did not like this situation between them. In the past when he did not know what to do, he would go and drink, go out with the boys and pretend he enjoyed the conflict and could live without her. That she was too much hard work, never could be satisfied, never did anything for herself, and wanted too much. Today he just admitted that he really did not enjoy moving from woman, to woman, to woman. And really how did he get here? to this position. It had to change.
He desired to create a lasting loving connection with the woman he considered to be his woman.
He recognised and accepted that men and women get aroused quite differently and that if he wanted to achieve his sexual goal, to ultimately pleasure her, and be known in her mind as the one that truly switched her on that he needed to do something different.
To do things differently.
This challenge was actually a gift, not to judge himself harshly, but to learn what he needed to learn. He realised that he needed to connect to her especially if she was worried about her day, her dignity, and was stressed about this or that. He had to know how to help her to maintain her own relationship with the things that kept her happy, so that she would have the energy to fully embrace him.
His resentment died off. He realised that he just needed to make her pleasure his priority and not resent it. Hoping that it would result in great sex at the end of the day, was not a smart move at his stage in the game. There was no peace in it. He felt ready for a conflict free approach back to real passion.
He was ready to bring her flowers again.
He laughed like Father Christmas, recalling how he had been in the past. Avoiding the potentially gut wrenching discussions with previous women when he had wanted to revive his sex life after being away in the office for far longer than he had realised. He laughed at how he would have been feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of stirring up emotions he felt ill equipped to deal with. He would go and find a drink instead. He felt warmed by the fact that he could feel his own passion for solution rise like a steel rod of clarity. He had grown strong.
Be real about how you feel, he was told by his inner conscience. Get in touch with what you say yes to and what you say no to? Be real about your differences and how you complement each other. Lead by making it ok for her to bring on her sexy in the way she just had. Compliment her for her courage to say no, especially as she always was so compliant with you. Make it a game.
Create that clarity in your mind. Why is the romantic novel industry bigger than the porn industry? Women want passion as much as men. It’s just how.
Help her to get in touch with her sensuality, let her know you won’t judge her. Support her in exploring her femininity, fully. Tell her how you admire how she is in the world. Tell her she is still sexy even if she says no, one hundred more times. She still is perfect for him.
He went into a creative meditation and then dropped off into a deep sleep and saw a beautiful woman wearing pink or was it green and yellow. She took him gently into a garden of yellow and pink roses and talked with him. She smelt gorgeous.
When you start with a positive belief, you will transmit to her without words. So forgive her and yourself for the past, starting this second and with a clean slate, believe that it’s possible to revive her passion.
Remember that you train her with every action. If she hasn’t been your hot, sexy
babe for a while, you are on the road to training her to be how you want. A woman’s
behavior is created by her man’s behavior in the context of a relationship.You’re the leader. She is an open book to you. Everything you want is there.
Reward any and all good behavior she exhibits during this turnaround. Yes however tiny. Make a fuss over, even the smallest action she takes that pleases you. Remember you must ﬁll her back up again with positive sentiment about you, so pour on the appreciation, especially for physical gestures of any kind. The kiss, the hug, the stroke.
Learn your mutual relationship values. When you ask her to tell you the top five
things that she wants out of a relationship, and you share what you want in return, you
can start focusing on what moves her, encouraging more happiness for her
and more conﬁdence in your ability to please her. Soon, she’ll want to deliver on
your five top relationship values in return. She will feel you get her and are into her.
It feels good, and it doesn’t require rehashing past resentments. Rather it turns over a new leaf. We learn by going off track, so have compassion for yourself when you go off track and find your steer again.
So if what you are wanting is a feeling, of yes, then use that feeling to get there.
The journey has to reflect the destination. So say yes, to the feelings you want, rather than feeling you have to endure, resent and fatigue your way to your goal. It will take the charge out of the fear out of the feeling that we will not get out of this place.
Take the day off, relax and give yourself the com- passion, connection and love for your goal.Then get to that goal, by making you feelings passionate, connected and loving linked to what you do.
It was first light. He awoke and noticed he was feeling sexy again. In the first hours of the day, he accepted he got the message. He got his sexy back.
He was so ready to buy her flowers again!
The London Flower Lover
p.s. When you match and mirror back to her, her own priority of values, she will feel like you get her, like really really get her and that is where intimacy grows.
Look into her eyes often. Making eye contact will bind you two together again. Eye gazing, will strip away the resentment and bring you closer by revealing your vulnerability. Eye contact cracks the hard shell of self protection and dissolves that armour. Give it a go and notice what you notice the next time you give her flowers.