Beloved Flower Lover,
“I had been feeling the rolls of fat on my body and felt today is the day ‘to be’ with the uncomfortable emotional feeling, instead of managing it with food. Today was a I am not running away scared of the feeling day. Today was I am looking at the rolls of fat as they are and to respect them as they really are there. Afraid of it, embarrassed by it, in denial of it, to be with those emotions. “
“This is for me an me alone. Today I pat myself on the back because I notice that eating sweets was really about my need for feeling good and that it was my best strategy for get myself into a good space. To be in a place of feeling good. I celebrate that about me. Today I ask myself if this approach working for me? Could I feel good about myself using another strategy. I notice excitement, as I consider how I needed my own attention, my own connection, my own kindness.”
“I noticed i could just watch the old stories like it was on a film screen and because I no longer wanted to rob myself of, joy because I was meant only to have a happy clappy smiling face. I notice that joy and happy are really quite different. Joy can come from addressing difficult issues. So not running from the uncomfortable feelings that the rolls of fat on my body had signaled to me, I wait for the images to flow onto my inner screen. Sitting and breathing with those feelings like a loving friend does,who gives the space to just listen without judging either way. That’s how the relationship had now changed.
Not judging self for having ignored the feelings before, or for telling the feelings to get over the feelings or to even just work harder. Instead, just being listened to and from that re create another feeling-what ever I chose to feel. That feeling today would be dignified beautiful love.
“Today I chose to listen and learn from myself…… I am no longer the same as I was as a child, or teenage girl, or young mum….. My self regard is on the way up…..I desire sweet emotions for myself and get more sleep too. I care about how I feel about myself. So I am finding ways of being at peace with people and situations rather than finding discord in my body about people . I am lightening up.I would never say some of this stuff to my own daughter. I could not take positive action-i.e. focus on what I wanted, from a negative space, where i held myself in low regard I notice. It’s being two minded. I needed my own kindness”
Committed to being loving and soft to self, no matter what is happening, going to choose feeling good about myself anyway.Awareness today was about pracitising seeing and feeling good to myself each day. Not for anyone else, just self and seeing how that slowly builds momentum!
No longer embarrassed about using flowers to soothe herself instead of food. Her relationship was about what she choose to experience pleasure with. She selected some flowers and went about her day
The London Flower Lover