Bronnie Ware:Top five regrets and the dying. London Florist shares

Beloved Flower Lover,

Many people have been coming to us recently for get well flowers or sympathy flowers. We have had conversations about nursing homes. We have been honoured to be able to have conversations with lots of people going into and coming out  of hospital. Some have been children as young as three or four, some have been adults in their fifties, some have been much older. It was wonderful to be just hanging out with them as we decided on what sorts of flowers they might want to give to their loved ones. A lot of time like this led to finding the wonderful works of Bronnie Ware who talks about how to let go. We offered our flowers as a gentle form of comfort at this time.

Bronnie, a palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Our team have talked about passing over a lot during the last two months. The care, the nurture, the protectiveness, the dignity and grace. A couple of the team have been talking about how they have been using this discussion to shift their feelings towards death, dying and transformation. One woman in particular says this,

“After going to sleep each night and weighing up our day I find ourselves asking our conscience many questions about how I lived our life that day.  I  redo or undo any situation where I may have done harm and where I may have been harmed. I ask for their forgiveness. I ask for my own forgiveness. I send them and myself feelings of love, and peace. I create those feelings using colours, smells, lovely scenes of nature and seeing them receiving lovely gifts that make them smile brightly. I see their future as happy in someway. I give myself a gift and then fall asleep in peace”

Mmmmmmmmmm we wondered, mmmmmmmmm

The Team

The London Flower Lover