Beloved Flower Lover,
It’s great time of sharing, based on what we really know about love. It comes in a female and male energy configuration and then we asked how can we celebrate fathers. We were asking lots and went through some conventional research as follows which then led us to a deeper question, Who Am I?
Father’s Day is held on the third Sunday of June in the United Kingdom. It is a day to honor fathers and father figures, such as grandfathers and fathers-in-law. Many people make a special effort to visit their fathers or to send them a card or gifts.
In the UK, we have a very special way of honouring fathers. On Father’s Day, many people make a special effort to visit their father. They often take or send cards and gifts. Common Father’s Day gifts are ties, socks, underwear, sweaters, slippers and other items of clothing. Other people give tools for household maintenance or garden work, luxury food items or drinks.
Many Father’s Day gifts have slogans such as “The World’s Best Dad”, “For My Father” or just a simple “Dad” on them.
In the days and weeks before Father’s Day, many schools, Sunday schools and children’s organizations help their pupils to prepare a handmade card or gift for their father. Mothers and other family members may help children to make personalized gifts, such as calendars with drawings made by the children.
Some families celebrate Father’s Day by planning an outing or weekend trip, perhaps just for the male members of the family. This may be a simple walk in the countryside or a whole planned “experience”. Popular Father’s Day experiences include driving a fire engine, rally car, tank or even airplane or taking a golf, football or cricket lesson.
Who Am I was still the question we asked as we considered father hood.
There is a percentage of familes that do not live with their biological father. And on the other hand, search “fatherhood” on the web and you’ll find dozens of websites dedicated to teaching, encouraging, and supporting men in becoming more nurturing and involved fathers.
Meanwhile, many TV sitcoms and animated shows continue to portray dads as dolts or, at best, well-meaning but misguided large children whose wives have to mother them as well as their offspring. If an alien in another universe happens to tune in to The Simpsons, Everyone Loves Raymond, Family Guy, etc., would have an odd idea of how men function in some western families.
We continued our research on fatherhood and manhood and found an amazing man who offers support to all men and fathers through his mentoring and coaching, called Royston John. Royston is also Director of N.C.B.I and also Vice-Chair of Lewisham Community Police Consultative Group and runs a Mans day group in London, on Mondays for free.
We asked him a few questions.We asked some of the men what father hood meant to them in practise.
In summary they said showed me a sort of conduct that they had agreed were reflections:
Embrace your responsibility. Once you are a father, you are a father for life. The knowledge of fatherhood changes a man. It can be a source of pride and maturity or a source of shame and regret. Even if you have good reasons for not being actively involved, acknowledging your paternity is a minimal gift you can provide to your child. With it come many legal, psychological, and financial benefits. If you want to be in your child’s life, it also protects your rights to have time with your child should you and the child’s mother have a falling out.
Be there. In study after study, children consistently say they would like to have more time with their dads. Regardless of whether a father shares a home with the children and their mother, the children need dad time. Working together on a chore or simply hanging out can be as meaningful as attending events or having adventures. Children want to know their fathers. Just as important, they want their fathers to know them.
Be there throughout their childhoods. There is no time in a child’s life that doesn’t count. Research has shown that even infants know and respond to their fathers differently than they do to their mothers. The bond you make with a baby sets the foundation for a lifetime. As the children get older, they’ll need you in different ways but they will always need you. Insistent toddler, curious preschooler, growing child, prickly adolescent: Each age and stage will have its challenges and rewards. Children whose parents let them know that they are worth their parents’ time and attention are children who grow up healthy and strong. Boys and girls who grow up with attention and approval from their dads as well as their moms tend to be more successful in life.
Respond to the needs of the children, not your relationship with their mother. Regardless of whether you are getting along with your girlfriend or wife (present or ex), your relationship with the kids is exactly that: your relationship with the kids. The children need predictability. They need care. They need a loving relationship with you. They need whatever financial support you can provide. None of these things should depend on whether you’ve had a disagreement or fight with their mum. None of these things should ever be withheld as a way to get even with her.
Be in a respectful and appreciative relationship with their mother. Being a good dad is certainly possible both inside and outside of marriage. Regardless of whether you and their mum can work out how to be a committed couple, you can support each other as parents. Children grow best when their parents treat each other with respect and appreciation. The children then don’t feel torn between the two people they love.
Do your financial share. Children need to be fed, clothed, housed, and cared for. Children whose parents provide for them live better lives, feel valued, and have better relationships with both their parents. They need the role model of a responsible male acting responsibly. Just as they need you to be present in their lives, regardless of whether you live with their mom, they also need you to live up to financial obligations to the very best of your ability.
Balance discipline with fun. Some fathers make the mistake of being only the disciplinarian. The children grow up afraid of their father and unable to see the man behind the rules. An equal and opposite mistake is being so focused on fun that you become one of the children, leaving their mother always to be the heavy. Children need to have fathers who know both how to set reasonable, firm limits and how to relax and have a good time. Give yourself and the children the stability that comes with clear limits and the good memories that come with play.
Be a role model of adult manhood. Both boys and girls need you as a role model for what it means to be adult and male. Make no mistake: The children are observing you every minute. They are taking in how you treat others, how you manage stress and frustrations, how you fulfill your obligations, and whether you carry yourself with dignity. Consciously or not, the boys will become like you. The girls will look for a man very much like you. Give them an idea of manhood (and relationships) you can be proud of.
Happy Fathers Day to us all
The London Flower Lover